Date Someone Who Makes You Better
Happy Valentine's Day! This weekend will be filled with high blood sugar levels and artificial flavors. It's not a matter of if, but when the crash will occur, that's for sure! Valentine's Day is an interesting holiday... (read more about its history via this post) You either love it, or you hate it.
This year will mark my 3rd Valentine's Day with Nick and our 1st engaged one; however, I can't say I've never had a V-day filled with loneliness, boy troubles, or a "and none for Gretchen Weiner's" type of day with 0 Val-o-grams (or candy-canes). And you know what? I'm happy for those days. They honestly makes me appreciate my fiance even more.
I felt led to write this, because I feel (lots of feels) like a lot of girls (and guys too. not leaving ya out, boys!) just get complacent. They stay with certain people, because it is easy...they've already spent so much time with them, it'd be too hard to start over again, no one else could love or understand with their baggage from previous relationships...do you want me to keep going? No judgement here! I'll use my double negative phrase again, and say I can't say I've never been there.
I remember during one of my (several) cry fests over boy(s), my mom was holding me in her rocking chair (yes, I'm 24 and still sit on my mom's lap), and kept telling me that it didn't have to be this hard. Real love wasn't. And that one day, I would experience that and just get it. Thanks, mom (and Nick)...because I get it now.
I'm not saying to breakup with your significant other right this second; I'm just suggesting that you examine your relationship. Chances are that if your s/o is the one for you, you already knew, without a doubt, that they do make you better, before I even asked that question. If you don't know if they make you better, then they probably don't. As my favorite college prof says "the truth only hurts when it has to". You could be staying with them for a number of the reasons I listed above, but honestly it is most likely out of fear and you're only hurting yourself in the long run. On the flip side, just because they affect your life in a positive way, doesn't mean they're the one for you either. Just thought I'd throw that out there. Isn't love confusing? HAH.
So, how does Nick make me better? In a myriad of ways, but I'll compile several, into a compound list.
He makes me laugh. I didn't tell him to pose, or even that I would be using these photos for a blog post. (I took them, right after he took these of me) I just started taking pictures, and he reacted. Nick can make me giggle, when no one else can...even when I don't feel like laughing. He has an effortless way of putting others at ease, when he's in the room, and can lighten the mood, no matter how corny the joke. My little in Tri Delta once told me that she tested guys to see if they were compatible with her, by talking in a funny accent. If they responded in a funny accent back to her, they were in. If they looked at her like she was weird, she knew it wouldn't go very far. Seems fitting, right? You should be able to have fun with your love and they should certainly know how to make you laugh. It will be a long relationship in the worst of ways, to say the least, if they can't.
He makes me try new things. Nick took me to Eddie V's, a prominent seafood restaurant, on our first date. At this point in my life, the only fish I ate, was my dad's freshly caught and fried catfish, trout, and the occasional crab cake. I of course never told him until later, that I really didn't like seafood. Now you can find me eating anything from sea bass, to Atlantic salmon, or even red snapper. I also was never a fan of soft cheeses and I'm sure now, my trainer wishes I wasn't. I can't get enough goat cheese, feta, or brie. Pass the knife, will ya? Before Nick, I didn't know what my favorite kind of wine was (it's Pinot Noir, in case you wondered ;) ) or that some wine just isn't worth the time or caloric intake. Now, he doesn't just introduce new foods into my life, those are just the easiest to show a visible impact with! I am a creature of habit. Once I find something I like, I don't stray from it (Nick, don't go anywhere!), so it's good I found someone who introduces me to new things, since I typically won't.
He makes me loosen up. I'm not uptight, but once I decide something, that's what I want to happen. Such as life, we know this doesn't always occur. Nick is very good about bringing me down to earth, calming me, and putting me in a better mood. With him, the bad stuff doesn't seem as bad. I mean, can you say super important quality?!
He makes me happy. Ultimately, you decide your own happiness, but it can't hurt to have someone around, who makes you smile. Whether he takes me to Chuy's, to drown my sorrows in jalapeno ranch, or encourages me to go to yoga, even when I don't feel like it, Nick makes me genuinely happy. If someone is making you more sad or upset, than happy, you definitely need to ask yourself where you see this going. Chances are they won't change and this is the easiest you'll ever have it. Sure, occasionally, we fight but...move on down to the next topic;)
He makes me resolve. Sounds weird, but I wanted to fit the pattern of my post! Nick is very quick to resolve conflict. I am the type of person who withdraws (thanks Merge, Watermark, for the 4 types of negative communication;) ) and wants to be mad and/or sulk for a few hours. Not that it's a good thing...it's not, and Nick helps me get through it. He sees conflict as good...a way for us to grow closer and learn more about each other. I don't feel like this 100% of the time, but I do know I'm getting better!
He makes me positive. Nick is extremely positive, while I am a realist. Being realistic is good, but I'll admit, it can sometimes be a killjoy. I'm so glad I have Nick around to bring me up, when I'm down and to help me realize more of the good in life.
He makes me confident. If you have ever been around Nick, whether I am with him or not, he is always singing my praises. It may seem like he is showing off, but I promise that he's not. He does that, even when no one is around! Heck, he did it to the flight attendant, last weekend, when we were on our way to Seattle. You want to date someone who brings you up, not down. They should give you confidence not only in yourself, but in your relationship with them, as well. On a similar note, the only things coming out of your mouth, when in talks with others, should be positive things. My mother always told me "when you get married, never talk bad about your spouse (or s/o), in public. Anything negative should be brought up to them directly. If you truly need to vent, try me, or a close friend."
He makes me patient. What can I say? I'm a fiery ginger. Patience is not my virtue and I have trouble understanding things that don't make sense. One of the first questions I ask after something has gone awry, is "how did it happen?" (Just ask my mom. I get that question from my dad;) ). Now, I'm getting better, but Nick is the champion of patience. Even if we are talking about the same, frustrating topic again, he doesn't take it out on me. Patience is extremely important. If they aren't willing to try for it now, how they will be, if you ever have kids or even just as you get older? *insert weird, toothy, straight smile emoji, here*
He makes my to-do list shorter. Aka, he is super helpful. I tend to overload my life. (read more about my struggle with that here) I am go-go-go and stress myself out. With blogging, and working, and now wedding planning, you can only imagine how traveling and trying to have a decent social life affects me. I tend to let things like putting up my clean clothes, or even sleep, go, in order to get things done. One time I came home from work and my entire kitchen was cleaned. Nick had used his lunch break, to come to my apartment and scrub and scrape my sink/dishes, so I had one less thing to do. Date someone who is helpful and selfless. And in return, do your best to reciprocate.
Now, love is a two-way street. Your partner shouldn't be the only one improving lives...you should make them better as well! I do my best to bring Nick up where he falls short, but I'm only human, as is he. The only one, true, perfect love is from above. "We love, because He first loved us" 1 John 4:19.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading! I hope I have encouraged you in some way, or another. Now go and date someone who makes you better, or better yet, marry them! Read mine and Nick's proposal story here!
P.S. If you aren't dating anyone or married, I'm not saying you need to. When given the chance, always weigh things like these, because they may not be worth your time and emotions. For now, just work on you ;) xoxo
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