How to Know if you were Given a Date to a Wedding and other rules of RSVPing
Omg - 8 days until the wedding! You're probably like um, why are you sitting here writing this? Well, it's my plan to have posts go out at regular times, just pre-scheduled...we'll see if that happens. Anyway, all the big stuff is done, just have a couple things to do like finalize the day of timeline, iron out details of the rehearsal dinner, write my vows (these are the vow books I got!) and pack for Saint Lucia!
Anyway, these are the rehearsal dinner cards we used. Traditionally, they are sent out a month beforehand, but it's not uncommon for them to be sent to the immediate family and bridal party with the invitation these days. We sent ours out separately. If you want to see my other paper goods, click here for my Save the Dates and here for my Invitations!
I think being raised in a fairly southern household has molded my expectations of rsvps and weddings, but I realize that not everyone is raised that way and they honestly don't know better. Even though I have understood the RSVP process, I never really understood it until now. Geeze louise wedding RSVPs are rough. Here are some tips to help you navigate the sometimes muddy waters!
1) RSVP as soon as possible. Let's face it. We all get busy! Chances are that you know whether or not you can make it right when you get the invitation, due to handy save the dates. If you wait too long, you might forget to RSVP. If you are debating on going, you probably don't want to go, so just say no. Mail in RSVPs come pre-addressed and stamped, so they are easy to do asap. What's even easier? Online rsvps. No excuses! By all means, get the RSVP in by the date requested. Sometimes people build in buffer time, but don't assume they did. Side note, there will always be something that is out of someone's' control. Those situations don't count here. Most people are understanding if there is a real issue at hand.
2) You don't have a date if it's not listed. Sad but true. If you get your save the date without a date listed, that doesn't mean you don't have one. Heck, even if your outside envelope of your invitation only has your name, you still could have a date if the inside envelope is addressed to you and a guest or your guest's name. If you don't have any indication at all and you alone are on the cards, well then you were not allotted one. If you're feeling brave, you could always ask for one if there is room left over, but don't just assume. Now if you think someone was wrongly left off, that's another thing. Don't be afraid to clarify, just please don't assume. One time my sister and I were accidentally left off an invitation. It happens. Human error is real!
3) Don't RSVP maybe. Honestly, this is just plain rude. Weddings cost money and you pay per head. To tell someone to save you a seat even though you probably can't come, is just selfish. Buuuut there are always extenuating circumstances. What deems as acceptable? Well, one of Nick's groomsmen is a maybe. Why? Because his wife should give birth any day now. Pretty dang acceptable of a reason if you ask me! Not all maybes are selfish and rude, but unless it's an extenuating circumstance like I mentioned in number 1, it isn't really okay to say. If you're really having an issue with saying yes or no, just be honest about. We have a couple important people who may or may not be able to come, so we have their name cards and table placements ready to roll regardless.
4) Be respectful of the day of. If for some reason you end up not being able to come...you know like for a real reason...for the love of all things good, don't text the bride/groom telling them that. Chances are they won't even notice that you're gone. How about you send them an email you know they won't see until after the wedding, or even give them a phone call after the honeymoon and explain that you caught the flu and was so sad you missed it. I've seen it happen literally less than an hour before the ceremony and it can crush a person that certain people aren't coming. If you end up not being able to come, there's nothing you can do about it at that point. Now, if you did RSVP yes and find out that you can't come, please tell the couple as soon as possible. You usually have to give final final numbers a week out, give or take.
5) Don't ask about seating charts or request specifics. Unless it's you informing the couple that you are GF and need a special meal or they said to provide song choices for the reception, don't ask for it. Seating charts are hard enough - you can't please everyone. Asking for something like that is awkward and makes it harder for all parties. Stress and hurt feelings are no fun!
So, there you have it. Keep those 5 things in mind and you'll be the perfect guest! Quite honestly, the people putting on the wedding have more rules to follow than you do - from where to list the registries, to how to properly list names on the envelope. If you mess up, don't sweat it. We're all human. Just some thoughtful guidelines from a frazzled bride to be!
I did all of my RSVPs online and loved it! I wrote about it here - all of your food choices, rsvps, and other info were on it. Best part? Everything downloads straight into excel. The easier, the better for everyone!
Like what you read? Click here to subscribe and receive every post in your inbox!