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You know what time it is. BUSINESS TIME. Any Flight of the Concords fans out there? Hah! Sorry I’m delirious from lack of sunlight and too much blue light. Regardless, I’m here, coming at ya with another Women in the Workplace post. Before I get into How to Deal with Conflict at Work, Especially Women, I want to talk about my outfit. No, it isn’t workwear like I usually enjoy featuring on days like today; however, lately putting on jeans instead of leggings is a real feat for me. Sooo, I thought it was fitting. At least Coronavirus / COVID-19 has some comfy habits? I really don’t wear anything but sweatshirts right now either, so the fact that this one is clean is saying something. I have to leave my home to wash clothes, so I have to pick and choose wisely what I “dirty.” That being said, let’s get rolling on today’s topic.

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This was yet another request from you, which I think is SO relevant. In my experience, there are usually 3 types of women I have worked with.

Chatty Cathy. They are bubbly, fun to be around, and they love to talk. They complete their work, but it isn’t necessarily their main goal anddd they can sometimes get you off task.
Worker Bee. They are usually quiet, unless it comes to work. Their main goal is to get the job accomplished and done well.
Amanda Clarke. Emily VanCamp’s television name on the show Revenge, because she is out to get you. She may sometimes pose as a chatty cathy or a worker bee, but ultimately is not either. Be nice, but watch your back.

Now, all of us have our “Amanda Clarke” sides. We are human after all! I think that is why this post was requested. Girls can be SO MEAN. It doesn’t necessarily fade away with high school and the workplace is not immune to it. I’ve tried to explain it to Nick before and he’s almost in awe / doesn’t believe me when I tell him stories or explain the backhandedness of a comment. Guys are just different! They aren’t excluded though. I’ve had my fair share of level headed male co-workers and higher ups, but I’ve also experienced “Amanda Clarke" male counterparts too.

This post is kind of hard for me to write, because even though I can offer suggestions and help, I know that the people who pose the real issue here often aren’t logical and may not even think they are causing a problem. I’ve had a couple run-ins in my day. Their behavior has either been empowered by someone else higher up or they are completely two faced (one way to those with seniority and another way to those at their level or below). One of my worst experiences with the latter was when I was cornered and told I was a bad co-worker and that “as women we have to build each other up in order to rise or we will both stay where we are”. Obviously the pot was calling the kettle black here. I was taken aback so much so that I didn’t even know how to respond. My point is that no matter what tips I give you or how well you follow them, you can’t predict things like that. Alllll that to say, here are some good ideas to make the best of hard situations regardless of if they are male or female.

HOW TO DEAL WITH CONFLICT AT WORK

Keep notes. If something becomes an issue, go back and see what you can remember happening along with the respective dates. After you have those, keep track of exactly what happened and when. Not only can you look at this to see if you are overreacting, but it can be used should you need to speak to someone about the ongoing problem.
Cool off. Before you send that email or react, just take at least an hour, so you can make sure you aren’t taking something personally. You’ll then be able to approach the problem with a level head!
Discuss it directly and in person if you can. Can you try talking it out with them? Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes the said person thrives on being alone and says things to you in private that they wouldn’t say otherwise. Is the person above you? That can be hard, because you can’t really tell them what to do. Is the person a peer? That can also be hard for the same reason! Before talking alone, consider these three things, as talking about it alone may only fuel their fire. That being said, you should at least try to resolve it on your own before taking it any further.
A good example of how this CAN work well is when I had just started at a new company. A counterpart was having an issue with me and talked to our boss about it. The thing is I had NO idea I was doing said thing wrong because I was new and wasn’t aware. Had the co-worker taken it up directly with me, they would have gotten it resolved faster and not had to involve higher ups. This was obviously a work issue and not a petty, personal problem, but still.
Talk to your boss. Hopefully you have a good boss. I’ve had both good, bad, and okay bosses. Expressing problems you’re having and you can’t solve alone is in your best interest. You already have your list of issues and details, so they can come in handy here. Even if your boss can’t fix it, at least they now know and are made aware how it might be affecting you work.
Let HR in on it. If it gets that bad, Human Resources needs to know. More often than not, girl problems aren’t rooted that much in actual work and are much more personal. Your notes will come in handy in this case too!
If you have to cry, go to the bathroom. If you can stand it, do not let them see you cry! I have run to the restroom my fair share of times. This is more professional and doesn’t let them know that they got you.
Vent elsewhere. Basically don’t gossip. I usually tell my mom or my husband about any issues, so I’m not spreading it all around town.
Don’t take what they say to heart. Please don’t take it personally. I say this, because I do. I have taken words to heart that were said out of spite, and I shouldn’t have.

TIPS FOR WORKING WELL WITH OTHERS

Doing these things won’t necessarily prevent conflicts, but they should make them more bearable.

GET TO KNOW PEOPLE. It’s a lot easier to treat people like an actual human if you can at least know a couple things about them on a personal level.
DISCUSS THINGS PRIVATELY. Overall, don’t humiliate people, especially if they did something wrong. Give grace.
TREAT OTHERS HOW YOU WOULD WANT TO BE TREATED. I mean do I need to explain this? You don’t want to be belittled so don’t belittle others.
DON’T GOSSIP. I wrote about how to deal with gossip at work here.
APOLOGIZE. If you slipped up, just apologize and take ownership. This garners respect, which usually leads to less explosive issues and support from others in the longrun.

Any other tips? This is definitely a learning space. Keep that top of mind and an open mind and you’ll go far.

P.S. my sunglasses are from Hip Optical. I reviewed them here! Use code ELLE10 for $10 off.