Hi, I’m Lauren

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Learning Together

Learning Together

Lauren Mulenos
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LMents of Style is a lifestyle blog, and racism has no part in the lifestyle I’m creating and promoting. I originally wrote this for myself to compartmentalize my thoughts and experiences with white privilege. After doing so, I knew I needed to share it as it might help other white people begin to understand that all lives can’t matter until Black lives matter.

To be quite frank, I have been embarrassed as I scroll along my Facebook feed to see people fighting over “all lives matter” vs “Black lives matter”. The bickering and fighting isn’t new, but I see it as a distraction from truly making a difference right now. This week I listened to a conversation with my church in LA and Angela Manuel-Davis said it best when she stated that this isn’t a political issue - It is a human-rights issue. There is a problem with how Black people are being treated and we must address it as it has gone on too long. You can listen to the whole conversation here.

Regarding the elephant in the room of why I haven’t written about things like this before, the first and easiest answer to tell you is privilege. The fact that I could stay somewhat silent on an issue like this shows my white privilege. For that, I’m sorry and will do better. The long answer is that I was afraid. I’ve seen people try to be helpful, only to be called out because they were “doing it wrong”. I’ve mentioned (different) issues before and my words were publicly misconstrued, so I have hesitated to do so moving forward. To put it simply, I didn’t talk about it because I could afford not to talk about it…aka privilege. Though I’ve always strived to share diverse content, companies, thoughts, and businesses, I understand that I need to be direct and blatantly use my platform for clear social good. I understand I need to put aside my fear of “doing it wrong” and just do it.

I will say that I have been pretty proud of content others have posted on my Instagram feed (the feed Instagram shows me, not referring to my content). I know that words without actions are empty and we do need to be sure to follow through; however, I’ve never before seen social media come together like this around a singular issue. I’m hopeful that this will propel change for Black lives. I’m also hopeful that this will shift the media industry as a whole. A year or so ago, I was chatting with a good friend and she mentioned that she wished more influencers would speak up about social issues on media. I remember saying “yeah buuut xxxx” - something along the lines of being hurt before from what I stood up for and some other excuse. I’ve heard a lot of people say, “I can’t wait until the world is back to normal.” Well, I don’t want it to go back to normal. I want this new-normal to stick. I’m looking forward to see concrete changes and do my due diligence to share more diverse and inclusive information.

Before I go into great resources, actionable steps, and favorite Black owned businesses, I want to dig a little deeper regarding white privilege. I do realize that some still might not understand what white privilege really is, and I want to try and help.

There’s a phrase going around that is something along the lines of “just because it doesn’t affect you personally, doesn’t mean it isn’t oppressive”. I want to add onto that and say “just because it has never happened to you, doesn’t not mean it isn’t real.” To be 100% honest, that is where a lot of white people I know are at… that because it hasn’t happened to them, they don’t think it exists. I.e. since they haven’t witnessed it, it must be fake news. Here’s a personal example. When I was on hormonal birth control, I had frequent migraines. One of my bosses never believed me because they had never had a migraine before. To my earlier point, it was difficult for him to understand what I was going through because it wasn’t real to him. Not at all the same situation, but I’m hoping you can see the correlation. Just because you haven’t experienced something doesn’t make it fake. Just because you haven’t experienced horrific (and/or subtle) acts of racism or even witnessed them, does not make it any less real of a problem. Seek the truth, do your homework, and find the facts, and most importantly share what you learn.

I grew up in Garland, Texas, where I attended public school. While it is what I would consider a diverse area (especially for Texas), I can’t say that my classes were objectively diverse. I’m super thankful for my time there, but my classes were mostly white. After graduation, I had plans to go to college. I remember feeling upset that I couldn’t apply to certain scholarships because of the color of my skin. Oh and I only had one opportunity to qualify for a National Merit Scholarship, but my Black friends could qualify for that and a separate National Merit award that only African American students could receive. How was that fair? You see, I didn’t understand back then. Sure, I went to school with / was friends with people from multiple different cultures, but that doesn’t mean I was anti-racist or actively supporting my friends who are Black. I hear a lot of white people say “oh I am friends with Black people” or “I’m nice to everyone” but those statements alone feel empty. I am personally friends with Black people and I do believe in being nice to everyone which is why I am saying Black lives matter. To understand how niceness is not anti-racist read this quote.

So when did I begin to scratch the surface of understanding white privilege? The first time it started to ‘click’ for me was during one summer in college. I attended summer school at a local Community College. I honestly don’t remember the exact year as I attended summer school every year, but it was probably 2010 or 2011. I was taking a sociology course that was taught by a Black professor. I don’t remember her name, but I wish I did. She taught me so many things that summer, but the biggest thing was with respect to privilege. To properly set the scene, I think I was 1 of maybe 3 white people in a class of 25. I don’t exactly recall, but I do know that we were the minority. She had us participate in an exercise in which we all stood in a straight line. She would say something and if the phrase applied to us, we took 1 step forward. If the phrase didn’t apply to us, we would take 1 step back. The phrases were along the lines of “you’ve never gone without a meal”, “you live in a house your parents own”, “your parents help you with your homework”, “you’re parents are still together”… those types of things. As you could probably imagine, I took each step forward and even ran out of space to step. I was lightyears in front of my peers - some ended up out of the classroom and even down the hall with all the steps back they had to take. For the first time, I could see my white privilege. A light went off in my head as to why there were so many scholarships I couldn’t apply for because I was white. It wasn’t to say that I could afford college because I was white… it had nothing to do with me. It was to provide an advantage to those who needed it most. Those who started way behind the “starting line” in the race called life. This was why there was also the African American National Merit Scholarship, in addition to the “regular” National Merit Scholar Award. White privilege isn’t to say that parts of my life haven’t been hard or that it has always been super easy for me. It is to say that I haven’t experienced as many hardships as others because of my privilege. White privilege runs deeper than being left alone while taking a jog (Ahmaud Arbery) or being able to peacefully sleep in your own home (Breonna Taylor). If you want to see a similar exercise to the one I did in my sociology class almost 10 years ago, Twitch and Allison Holker shared this and it is done in a more relevant mindset.

A COUPLE EXAMPLES OF WHITE PRIVILEGE IN MY LIFE:

I say these to try and help you understand.

  • A little over a year ago, we were having a discussion and a white male mentioned that he didn’t think of his skin color when he woke up or when he walked on the sidewalk, etc, so he didn’t think of that as a prominent issue to even discuss. This is white privilege.

  • One of our most appreciated aspects of moving to LA is how diverse it is. One area of diversity that is different than Dallas is the places of worship. They house a lot more cultures! We had a small church group chat and I was once again humbled by it. A Black member said that his heart was tugged in different directions of whether he should continue to go to our church, as it was predominately white. I hadn’t viewed my church as predominantly white, as it is the most diverse church I’ve attended and one of the most diverse churches I’ve ever been to. This is white privilege.

BLATANT RACISM I HAVE WITNESSED:

It pains me to type these out, but I am doing so, as some people think racism doesn’t exist anymore. I also realize that some racism isn’t as open and obvious, but that does not mean it is not present.

  • I remember walking to class in college when a white girl and Black boy were holding hands. A truck of who I assume were frat bros (I truly don’t know who they were / if they had any fraternity affiliation) yelled “SOMEONE’S GOT JUNGLE FEVER”. This was between 2009 - 2012 and at a Christian university.

  • I went on a date with a white guy and he asked to be moved tables, as a black family sat down beside us. I didn’t understand why he asked to be moved at the time, though he later told me it was because he didn’t want to sit next to the Black family. This was in 2011.

STARTING TO UNDERSTAND, BUT NEED MORE?

  • Check out this cartoon explaining why “all lives matter” versus “Black lives matter”. In short this should diffuse people saying “Black lives matter” is saying that other people don’t matter.You don’t show up to a Breast Cancer Rally and shout “but what about pancreatic cancer?!” do you?

  • Read this cartoon explaining why staying silent or not believing something is occurring because it doesn’t happen to you is detrimental.

  • Look at this cartoon showing exactly what Jesus did and would do today. Also read this tweet and check yourself to see if you have made politics an idol. And note that this isn’t about politics or sides. It’s about human rights.

  • Read this tweet if you are stuck on the looting and vandalism. Also start this video around the 2 minute mark to learn more about the “why” behind the riots. Though I would recommend the entire 9 minute video. It is worth the watch.

  • Read this quotation if you think “but I’m nice to everyone”

  • Look at this quotation for diversity versus inclusion.

Know that you can always change your mind and begin to support a more inclusory society today! Now that we have addressed white privilege and racism, here are some ways you can get involved.

ACTIONABLE STEPS THAT DON’T COST ANYTHING:

If you want to donate, do it!! There are so many good causes. I know that budgets are tight, so I wanted to give alternative solutions that don’t cost any money.

  • Seek out Black owned businesses and support them by purchasing items that are within your budget buckets

  • Promote and share Black owned businesses

  • Point out to people when they say something racist (with the intent to educate, not humiliate)

  • Encourage your place of work to diversify and support inclusion

  • Learn about being anti-racist vs just “not racist”

  • Unlearn silent prejudice and racism that has been woven into our society

  • Educate yourself by identifying local officials and policies, and vote accordingly

  • Have conversations with people about things you have learned to spread the knowledge

  • Surround yourself with different cultures and learn

  • Use your privilege for good and to do good things, like stand up for those who can’t and/or are in harms way

If you are able to donate money, some of my favorite organizations are Black Girls CODE, Every Mother Counts, Innocence Project, and Equal Justice Initiative.

SHOWS TO WATCH TO LEARN MORE ABOUT RACISM:

  • When They See Us (Netflix - be sure to watch the Oprah interview after as as well)

  • The Racial Wealth Gap (Netflix - Explained Season 1)

  • LA 92 (Netflix)

  • 13th (Netflix)

  • Dear White People (Hulu)

  • American Son (Hulu)

  • If Beale Street Could Talk (Hulu)

  • Just Mercy (available to rent - made FREE through June 2020!!)

  • Selma (free to rent on FXNow)

  • Underground (Hulu)

  • Roots (buy on Amazon streaming)

SHOWS TO WATCH WITH DIVERSE CASTS

  • Spiderman into the Spiderverse (Netlix / can rent on Amazon)

  • The Watchman TV Show (HBO)

  • Insecure (HBO)

  • Black-ish (Hulu)

  • Empire (Hulu)

  • Atlanta (Hulu)

BLACK OWNED BUSINESSES I HAVE LOVED:

BLACK OWNED BRANDS I JUST DISCOVERED:

BLACK ACCOUNTS I HAVE LOVED FOLLOWING:

BOOKS TO READ TO LEARN MORE:

  • The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

  • I’m Still Here by Austin Channing Brown

  • Me and White Supremacy by Layla F Saad

  • This Book is Anti-Racist by Tiffany Jewell

Can’t sleep because of all this information? Have anxiety because of this issue? Now use those uncomfortable feelings to make changes in your life and make a difference for others! I encourage you to pursue this subject more and educate yourself so we can truly make a change for the future.

If you have any questions or opportunities for us to learn together, please feel free to reach out to me.

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